“You know, in at least a few years, this day will be for you,” my husband, Peter, said to me. Yesterday, here in the UK, was Mother’s Day. That statement made me feel weird. To think about being a mother on Mother’s Day feels like a foreign concept. It also made me feel old.

I used to not want to have children. Heck, I’m still terrified at the idea of having kids. The people who say “it’s so beautiful” are lying. Pregnancy is not a pretty concept at all to me. Another reason why I’m scared about having children is taking care of them. The last time I physically held a baby was ten years ago! That makes me even more nervous about bringing another child into the world.

My thoughts on having children have evolved since being in a relationship with my husband. He has shown to me that he will be a great father. He’s very loving and caring. He’s also excited about wanting to impart knowledge on our children. It is nice being able to talk with him about children and seeing his face light up at the thought.

While I’m still all over the place on the idea of having children, I am thankful I do not feel rushed. I know it will happen eventually, but it is so nice not to have the “When are you having kids?” question. Peter and I barely have our lives figured out. I can’t imagine bringing a child into this crazy world.

I have loads of respect for mothers out there. Those who are single, those who are trying, those who have lost children, and those stepping in to take a mother’s role. You’re all amazing.

Someday I’ll be a mother. Until then, I’ll take my birth control and open a savings account.

xx Hannah

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